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Afternoon Destroyer

by Maria T

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1.
Sometimes my feelings are just too big It's the best and worst thing about me Is what I seek a blessing or a curse? Something tells me I'm just making it worse Underneath it all I'm a lover not a fighter And I want you to know me despite my flaws Is my presence a blessing or a curse? Something tells me I'm just making it worse Anyway that's me You can take it or leave it
2.
I don't care what it takes, as long as it takes me home Wait for my turn, cut through the noise, send me a signal perfect and poised It's like I've traveled through time to arrive to you Let's stay up all night 'cause it feels like the right thing to do Hold me tight, make me sing, do it over and over again I'll spend hours reading your face like my favorite book Exterior signs, they guide me And why would they lead me on? Exterior signs, they tell me It's been you all along
3.
Privacy Mode 02:36
I don't know what your intentions are I can't see you from this far If I can't see you, then you can't see me I'm not down with abstract dealings What are you so afraid to reveal? Why do you think you’re less than ideal? When you open up, I see your appeal I know you can be vulnerable and real You're on privacy mode, doing god only knows Turn it off and we’ll see how this goes
4.
What is the worth of all these years? Don't mind me, I'll be over here just wondering Should I have quit while I was ahead? Let my youthful haze be squandered What did I know, did I know it yet? No discussion seems to bring me any comfort And if given another chance, would I do it again? I know the past can't be recovered Dude, you really fucked it up this time I put everything on the line for you
5.
I don't have to go outside, so I can dress any way I like A document in my best light—am I doing this right? No use in picking a bedside, the whole thing's mine I'm awake every night consumed by the decisions in my life Can't you see I'm a modern woman? If I lean in any more, I'll fall right through the floor
6.
7.
Never Sent 01:42
8.
Who am I to criticize when I could just get in the van And see this place through your own eyes All along that's been the plan Don't steer me wrong, I want this more than you expect My heart is open, but it can be easily wrecked There's no such thing as a bad time with you Let's destroy the afternoon together

about

I put out a 3-song release called Destroyed Afternoon and said at the time, “Hey, this title will make sense in the future.” I meant it! I intended to release Afternoon Destroyer before anything but nothing’s ever truly linear. After all the delays and doubts I’m so thrilled it will finally see the light of day. Many thanks to the friends who encouraged me to keep going and actually helped get this thing past the finish line.

I hadn’t touched my guitars for at least 5 years—long enough to stop counting and consider selling them off—when a bad day in the pandemic brought me back to making music (2020 Demos). There were a lot of changes in my personal life and writing these songs were a way of processing all those big, big feelings.

Afternoon Destroyer was written between January and February 2021, hastily recorded at home in March and April on both 4- and 8-track. As you know by now, I play and sing everything. I’m not great at it and you’ll hear that on this recording, but I don’t care. It feels right to do it this way, and in some way perhaps I am making a statement keeping this lo-fi, no budget. There are plenty of dudes who do this to endless accolades. Why can’t I? The whole point of DIY was that you didn’t need an invitation. And honestly, everything I’ve ever done or accomplished throughout the years has been without anyone’s permission, so why stop now.

I have been quietly plugging away at more songs, but I keep returning to these. It is an important document of a particular time in my life. I hope you like these songs; I love them for what they are.

credits

released December 2, 2022

Written and recorded February–May 2021 at home by Maria T.

All songs unless noted written by Maria T (BMI).

"Near Wild Heaven" written by Berry, Stipe, Mills, Buck. Published by Night Garden Music/Unichappell Music, Inc. (BMI).

Extra special thanks: Chris Greacen and the Song-A-Day project, Peter Kerlin at Inner Monologue, Dominique Montgomery, John Sharkey III, Sebastian Petsu.

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about

Maria T Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

They really do let anyone use this platform.

I sing all the words, play all the things, much to everyone's dismay, usually at home on a Tascam 8-track and a busted Shure SM58. No gods, no mixing, no mastering. First idea, best idea, also the worst idea.

Enjoys long walks on the beach, offset guitars, pizza, figure skating, dogs, cats.
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